Not A Laughing Matter
by Kazi-Kun
Summary: There's only one Laughing Man. There's only one Laughing Man Authority and Expert. And there's an operative of Section 9 that's hunting them both.
1. Chapter 1

Ghost in the Shell/Sailor Moon

"Not A Laughing Matter"

**_The Laughing Man appeared 6 years ago in person. But that was 2 years ago. 8 years have passed, but I have to admit I miss seeing his symbol. I'm a fan; I'm not afraid to admit it. The Laughing Man has caught my interest and hasn't let go._**

_**Micro machine manufacturers hire people like me to sit in a white, sterile room all day, hooked to their systems. Those who give in and give into those companies are not in my league. I work in a private terminal with my own hand made network. No one tells me what to do or when to do it.**_

_**When I dive into the net, no one can stop me. No barriers or programs can last once I get started. I stop only when I want to and no one tells me to do otherwise. I listen to myself and no one else.**_

_**Day after day, I search the net, learning and educating. The Laughing Man's my idol. What can I say? I'm ensnared-so what? I'm almost obsessed. I have every news report recorded, article and essay printed then filed, every appearance mapped and every hack investigated.**_

_**There is nothing about the Laughing Man that I don't know. What the Laughing Man reports and such say, I know better than the people heading the cases and investigations. I'm the authority on the Laughing Man. No one else can claim that but I can.**_

_**This is no laughing matter.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, the LMA will make the big debute in this chapter so be prepared. It's kind if funny on how they act.

* * *

"Welcome to the Laughing Man Room!"

"Everyone here's a die hard LM freak!" The leader, a man in a white suit-going by Jigen online-smiled.

"But there's one-only one authority on the Laughing Man." A young man in a red jacket-Saionji on the net-added an all impressing half smile.

A second young man-wearing a furry edged hooded coat-snorted. This was JD while online. "Not that we could get him here."

Aiko, normally the only girl in the group, pushed up her glasses. "The LMA isn't a man, JD-the LMA is a woman. She's the only one who has all the 411 in one place."

A man, who seemed to know more than the others-he called himself "Baby Ruth" on the Net-shifted a little as if uncomfortable. "She has no idea how much information she really has." Baby Ruth mumbled. "All of it's under the best and lock and key."

The sound of heels made everyone look up at a pretty young woman. "Hi, may I join you in this conversation yet again?"

"Sure, Motoko. It's nice to not be the only lady in this place. Take a seat." Aiko smiled as Motoko took a seat between Baby Ruth and Aiko. "I have a surprise for you all. I got a hold of the LMA and she said she'd be here soon."

"Hey, guys. What's up?" A smiling voice asked, making everyone at the table look up. Whispers and divers filled the stands. The speaker was a curvy girl in a Laughing man tee shirt, a blue button up short sleeve left open, a pair of hole hosted jeans and a blue Laughing Man baseball cap. She took a seat by Jigen that had materialized. "I know I'm late but I've got a lead I'm chasing down."

She pulled a cigarette out of her jeans' pocket and lit the end with a lighter. Her red lips curved into a lopsided smile.

"So, how are my little kiddy pool residents?" She asked idly, putting her feet on the table. "Find anything interesting for me, my pets?"

"I hate it when you talk to us like that, LMA." Aiko lightly chided. The LMA merely shrugged.

"Get over it, Aiko." She told the other woman.. "I have a treat for all of you since you've been such good little puppies."

"Oh, LMA! You spoil us!" JD grinned. Jigen coughed and waved at the cigarette smoke.

LMA held her cigarette over Jigen's head and tapped her ash on to his skull. "I don't take well to your 'hints' of having me quit smoking." She returned to the group. "Anyway, I got into Satsuma Technology the other day and you wouldn't believe the crap they're testing their micro machines on. I'm telling you-the crap their pulling could get PSS9 on their hides asap."

"PSS9?" Saionji asked curiously. LMA nodded once.

"Public Security Section 9."

Saionji hung his head a little. "Not that conspiracy police force again, LMA."

"They're real. Section 9 is led by a man named 'Aramaki'." Motoko added in LMA's defense. "I've seen them in action."

"So have I." Baby Ruth nodded once.

"The facts are mainly coming from their deliberate press leaks." LMA informed them. "But so do a few hundred rumors for every one fact. Most of those rumors don't make mainstream Net collectives such as this baby but the ones that do stick-stick good. Understand?"

"Yeah, we get it." JD nodded happily. "So, how did Aiko get you down here?"

LMA sighed. "Would you believe I'm the leading authority and I'm a Net bandit? It's a tad ironic, don't you think? Those who want me caught, want me to work for them."

"You're avoiding JD's question, O Lady of Lung Cancer." Jigen earned LMA's foot slamming into his head. Baby Ruth closed his eyes, Aiko looked away, JD and Saionji winced and Motoko barely flinched.

"Don't you dare mock me and do not accuse me of avoiding anything." LMA must be glaring-it was hard to tell with the baseball cap. "I was merely asking a question and stating a couple facts. Question me again an' I'm gone."

"Ignore Jigen, LMA. Please, continue." Aiko said sweetly, interested in what the 3rd female was planning to say. LMA let out a sigh with her cigarette smoke. Her body language said she was exhausted and worn out, standing on her wits' end.

LMA tapped her ash into a floating ashtray that had appeared next her armrest. "I'm not doing too well in the outside world. Things are happening beyond my control. I need…I need contact with PSS9. I know they've been tapping into this room and that one of them is among us on the floor while the rest of the team and the Tachikoma of a select number are in the audience." The other seated guests looked around at each other and scanned the sections of audience behind the others. "Don't even bother. They're well hidden, even from me. The problem isn't them. It's a new problem that goes by the name of Gouda. He's from Section 5. In fact he leads it. There's this virus, the Individual Eleven Virus that has been activated. The Laughing Man isn't pleased, Boys and Girls. He's not pleased at all."

"S-s-so, what does this have to do with JD's Q, LMA?" Baby Ruth asked nervously as she rose to her feet.

"I, the only authority on the Laughing Man, issue a challenge to the Public Security Section 9 operatives: find me in the real world before the next 48 hours are up. The prize is my knowledge. The clock will be all over the Net. As soon as my cigarette touches the floor, the clock will start. Use your time wisely because PSS5 is also on my tail. Find me and I will be yours. But be warned-what I look like here is not much different from what I really look like there. Find me before they do. I beg of you. PSS9, please-find me first."

LMA let go of her cigarette as she disappeared from the Net.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Prime Minister Kayabuki scanned the document in front of her after reading it two or three times before hand. The door slowly opened, letting a lovely girl in a private school uniform enter undeterred.

"Mama, you're going to be up all night again."

The Lady Prime Minister looked up at her daughter standing beside her. "Oh, hi, honey. How did your dive go?"

The girl shrugged. "Same old, same old…kinda. I was just checking out the Laughing Man Room, looking for Ruri, and the Laughing Man Authority was there."

"The diver who has been investigating the Laughing Man?" Kayabuki asked surprised. Her daughter nodded, looking at the document. She was seeing something her mother couldn't. "What is it? Something I missed?"

"Only since you don't have full prosthetics." Her daughter told her. "There's an invisible shift virus that'll change the terms as soon as you sign on the dotted line."

The Lady Prime Minister sighed and rubbed her daughter's back. "I'd be lost without you, honey. I would never get this far if I never had you to help me."

Her daughter giggled and put her arms around her mother's shoulders. Her mother patted her arms and smiled softly to herself.

_She dives almost every chance she gets._ Kayabuki thought, as she took a deep breath, her daughter's body spray filling her lungs. _What is she trying to find out there on the Net? Is this just another one of her undeniable urges that never leave her be for too long? Or could it be something else entirely?_

_

* * *

_

Yup, the LMA IS a woman! and Yes, Kayabuki DOES have a daughter in this fic. The senshi have all but become normal people. I'll list professions later.


	3. Chapter 3

Do you think PSS9 has what it takes to find the LMA first?

* * *

"Lady Prime Minister, let me get this straight. You want Section 9 to watch this girl who's picture is here on this screen?"

"That's right. I want you to protect that girl." Kayabuki nodded. A girl dressed in a private school uniform, no older than 15 or 16 years of age, had her image on a holographic screen above Aramaki's desk. "She's the daughter of a highly respected Prosthetics Engineer and Developer. If she were to fall into the wrong hands, her father's research-her _body_ could make things very difficult for everyone in Japan-if not more than just us."

"In what way?" Batou asked instantly snagged into being interested.

Kayabuki took a deep breath. It seemed to Togusa that this girl was clearly someone very close.

"Her body is the only existing Biological Cybernetic Full Prosthetic Overhaul. There hasn't even been a cell that has had exposure to the BC Prosthetic therapy and survived." The Lady Prime Minister began to explain. "Her father worked day and night since her birth in order to save her when she did. She went completely prosthetic at the age of two. He continued to work on her body. Finally, after mere days of work and a failing shell, he transferred her into her old body only 2 months of work. It's been rough but with repairs, tunings and programmings over the length of years, he finally got her up to 72.62219 percent completion. His assistants took over when…when he could no longer continue." Togusa recognized why she hesitated. "She is now at 100 perecnt Super Soldier Military Grade. Her body holds too many dangerous capabilities but she uses none of her enhanced abilities unless another life is in danger. She won't use her BCP to harm others willingly."

"It sounds like you know her quite well." Togusa replied, keeping his suspicions hidden.

"Her father was a dear friend of mine. I helped him where I could. He made me promise to put everything on the line for her safety." She told them smiling softly as she held what had to be her wallet in her lap.

Aramaki looked at Togusa, noting the way the Major was glancing at the man. "We'd be more than happy to protect this young lady. What other information can you give us?"

Kayabuki opened her wallet and handed Aramaki a mini disk. "This disk has a copy of her files. It's a complete copy-even an instruction guide on how to repair any damage. I'm afraid I'm going to be away from Tokyo for a while and I'm depending on Section 9 to take care of her."

"Don't worry, Madam Prime Minister. We will do everything in our power to make sure she's safe."

* * *

Promises, promises...can they protect the daughter of the Prime Minister's friend AND search for the LMA at the same time? 


	4. Chapter 4

Seeing a think tank outsdie your bedroom window is NO way to start the day. Now, imagine if that same think tank was outside your bedroom door...

* * *

Hotaru opened the door to the stairs and met a shock. 

"AAAH! MOM!"

The giant blue spider-like tank stood in her doorway and she was on her butt on the floor. Where did that thing come from?

"The Major never mentioned you were so jumpy, sheesh!" A girl's voice scoffed.

"MOOOOOM!" Hotaru screamed at the top of her lungs. A woman in a business suit followed by a young woman-also in a suit-slipped passed the machine and came into Hotaru's room. The woman hurried to her side and hugged her. "Wha-what is that thing and what is it doing in the house-in front of _my room_?"

Her mother, Keiko, held Hotaru against her. "It's all right, honey. It's all right. There's no need to be afraid of it."

"No need to be afraid?" Hotaru squeaked. "Did you even _run_ a threat detection program? It's armed more than my gym teacher!"

"Calm down, Miss Tomoe. This is a Tachikoma Battle Tank AI. We use them in Section 9." The young woman replied with a comforting smile. "I'm Major Motoko Kusanagi. I'll be your caretaker while the Prime Minister-and your mother are away."

Hotaru looked at Keiko. "Not the peace talks in Russia! You told me those were canceled!"

"They moved them to Berlin." Kusanagi corrected.

"BERLIN?!"

"Man, she's eccentric." The Tachikoma mumbled to the Major.

"Miss Kusanagi-you can't let my mother leave Tokyo!" Hotaru said getting to her feet and lightly clutching Kusanagi's sleeve. "The terrorist Angel's Feathers just escaped from prison! My mother will be killed!"

"But your mother has to go." Kusanagi told Hotaru. The girl looked at her mother who nodded once slowly. "If she doesn't, something bad could happen."

Hotaru bit her lower lip, thinking as she looked down and away. She was obviously linking to something. She looked up at her mother then rushed to her desk and searched the left-hand top drawer. After a moment she found what she was looking for. A small PDA was in her hand as she half shuffled back to Keiko.

"Take this copy of my Silver Wing AI program. It'll activate AI tanks for your protection." Hotaru pressed the PDA into Keiko's hands. "It's the one I updated and synced with your Ghost's imprint."

Her mother hugged her daughter. "I'll keep it on me at all times, Sweet Pea. I've got to go now. Be good for Section 9. They're doing this as a favor to me, to the Prime Minister, okay?"

"Yes, Mama." Hotaru muttered. Keiko kissed her forehead before leaving her daughter's room.

"Don't worry, honey-I'll com you before I board the plane and after we land." Her mother waved good bye as she hurried out the door. Hotaru leaned against a wall and sighed.

"You know, she's doing all this for you." Kusanagi replied. Hotaru looked away. "So, uh, what's this program you gave to your mother?" Kusanagi asked as she entered Hotaru's room and opened the girl's closet. She took out a sailor uniform and a small basket of accessories.

"It's a program I designed. It's meant to tap into the satellites in space and access any AI units around any receiver. That's the PDA." Hotaru answered, getting ready for the day. "The Silver Wing Operating Artificial Intelligence Programming System-or the SWOAIPS-is very powerful. I have the main program but I make copies, like the one I gave my mom. The copies are called 'Silver Wing AI Programs'."

Kusanagi whistled. "That's pretty advanced, kiddo. AI programs are highly complicated."

Hotaru shrugged. "Not really. I even make various things that work far better than the crap out there in 'the real world'."

"All right, Miss Tomoe. It's time to get dressed." Kusanagi responded, setting everything she had taken out of Hotaru's closet on to the girl's bed. "I'll take you to breakfast this morning but you'll have to hurry. You don't want to be late for school."

Hotaru watched Kusanagi leave her room, closing the door for privacy. The girl scoffed and scowled at the closed door.

"-Pfft- Like school's a party I'm just dying to attend."

* * *

Hotaru doesn't like school very much. Although she's brilliant, she's still seen as a plague by the more "popular" kids. If they only nkew the truth, ne? 


End file.
